For Those Who Have Lost
​Someone to Suicide

A survivor of suicide is a family member or friend of a person who died by suicide.  There are currently over 32,000 suicides annually in the USA. It is estimated that for every suicide there are at least 6 survivors. Some suicidologists believe this to be a very conservative estimate.  Based on this estimate, approximately 5 million American became survivors of suicide in the last 25 years.

Suicidal Grief

The loss of a loved one by suicide is often shocking, painful and unexpected. The grief that ensues can be intense, complex, and long term. Grief work is an extremely individual and unique process; each person will experience it in their own way and at their own pace.

Grief does not follow a linear path. Furthermore, grief doesn’t always move in a forward direction.  There is no time frame for grief. Survivors should not expect that their lives will return to their prior state. Survivors aim to adjust to life without their loved one.

Common emotions experienced in grief are:

Shock - Denial - Pain

Guilt - Anger - Shame

Despair - Disbelief - Hopelessness

Stress - Sadness - Numbness

Rejection - Loneliness - Abandonment

Confusion - Self-blame - Anxiety

Helplessness - Depression

​These feelings are normal reactions and the expression of them is a natural part or grieving. At first, and periodically during the following days/months of grieving, survivors may feel overwhelmed by their emotions. It is important to take things one day at a time.

Crying is the expression of sadness; it is therefore a natural reaction after the loss of a loved one.  Survivors often struggle with the reasons why the suicide occurred and whether they could have done something to prevent the suicide or help their loved one. Feelings of guilt typically ensue if the survivor believes their loved one’s suicide could have been prevented.

At times, especially if the loved one had a mental disorder, the survivor may experience relief.  There is a stigma attached to suicide, partly due to the misunderstanding surrounding it. As such, family members and friends of the survivor may not know what to say or how and when to provide assistance. They may rely on the survivor’s initiative to talk about the loved one or to ask for help.

Shame or embarrassment might prevent the survivor from reaching out for help. Stigma, ignorance and uncertainty might prevent others from giving the necessary support and understanding. Ongoing support remains important to maintain family and friendship relations during the grieving process. 

​Survivors sometimes feel that others are blaming them for the suicide. Survivors may feel the need to deny what happened or hide their feelings. This will most likely exacerbate and complicate the grieving process.  When the time is right, survivors will begin to enjoy life again. Healing does occur.

Many survivors find that the best help comes from attending a support group for survivors of suicide where they can openly share their own story and their feelings with fellow survivors without pressure or fear of judgment and shame.   Support groups can be a helpful source of guidance and understanding as well as a support in the healing process.