PART I:
Tackling the Problem
Point 1: Identify and Then Address the Problem.
First decide if a problem is a real tiger or just feels like one. If it can’t hurt you chances are that it can be better handled with clear thinking. This means turning off those thoughts that make you interpret the situation as a disaster.
Three ideas can help you manage a lot of work:
Fights with parents and friends don’t go away unless you deal with what upset you in the first place, or unless everyone apologizes and decides to forgive each other.
Point 2: Avoid stress when possible.
Sometimes we know exactly when we are headed for trouble. Avoiding trouble from a distance is easier than dealing with it up close. You know the people who might be a bad influence on you, the places where you’re likely to get in trouble, and the things that upset you. Choose not to be around those people, places, and things that mess you up.
Point 3: Let some things go.
It’s important to try to fix problems, but sometimes there is nothing you can do to change a problem. For example, you can’t change the weather, so don’t waste your energy worrying about it. You can’t change the fact that teachers give tests, so just study instead of complaining about how unfair they are. You can’t change the fact that your parents need to know where you go, so prove that you’re responsible and deserve more freedoms. People who waste their energy worrying about things they can’t change don’t have enough energy left over to fix the things they can. Also learn when not to take things personally. You feel badly for no reason when you take something personally that really has little to do with you.
First decide if a problem is a real tiger or just feels like one. If it can’t hurt you chances are that it can be better handled with clear thinking. This means turning off those thoughts that make you interpret the situation as a disaster.
- A lot of people cope by ignoring problems. This doesn't make them go away; usually they just get worse.
- People who cope by trying to fix problems tend to be emotionally healthier.
- When it comes to studying or chores, it is best to get the work done first. Because work or studying produces stress, many people put it off and choose to do fun things first. The problem with that is they’re not really having fun because they’re worrying about the work they’re ignoring. And of course, the longer they put it off, the more they worry. The cycle is endless.
Three ideas can help you manage a lot of work:
- Break the work into small pieces. Then do one small piece at a time, rather than look at the whole huge mess. As you finish each piece, the work becomes less overwhelming.
- Make lists of what you need to do. This will help you sleep because your head won’t spin with worry about whether you can do everything. At the end of the day, you’ll have less to worry about as you check off the things you have finished. You will look at the same huge amount of work and realize you can handle it.
- Timelines can help with big projects.
Fights with parents and friends don’t go away unless you deal with what upset you in the first place, or unless everyone apologizes and decides to forgive each other.
Point 2: Avoid stress when possible.
Sometimes we know exactly when we are headed for trouble. Avoiding trouble from a distance is easier than dealing with it up close. You know the people who might be a bad influence on you, the places where you’re likely to get in trouble, and the things that upset you. Choose not to be around those people, places, and things that mess you up.
Point 3: Let some things go.
It’s important to try to fix problems, but sometimes there is nothing you can do to change a problem. For example, you can’t change the weather, so don’t waste your energy worrying about it. You can’t change the fact that teachers give tests, so just study instead of complaining about how unfair they are. You can’t change the fact that your parents need to know where you go, so prove that you’re responsible and deserve more freedoms. People who waste their energy worrying about things they can’t change don’t have enough energy left over to fix the things they can. Also learn when not to take things personally. You feel badly for no reason when you take something personally that really has little to do with you.