SVJHS COUNSELING DEPARTMENT
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    • CONTACT INFO
  • [STUDENT LESSONS]

Newly Bereaved

Grieving is a unique, lonely, extremely painful process with each individual working through their own space at their own pace, but it is comforting to know what helped others who have experienced the anguish in the aftermath of a loved one's suicide.

"GIVE SORROW WORDS. GRIEF HAS NEED TO SPEAK, LEST WHISPER THE O'ER
FRAUGHT HEART AND BID IT BREAK". Wm. Shakespeare/Macbeth


1. Talk! Talk! Talk! Speak of your pain and loss for as long and as often as you need to speak of it
2. Be with your grief. Don't suppress, avoid, or postpone grief's expression. Let yourself feel it!  Cry! Tears are cathartic and cleansing. Friends/extended family feel helpless faced with the magnitude of the loss and grief, try to soothe, may even plead with bereaved not to cry. Don't suppress your grief to spare others distress. If you are reluctant to express your pain in others presence, provide uninterrupted time each day to reflect upon the life shared, your loss and grief...a time to weep. Plan this private time during the day, allowing yourself some pleasant distraction during the pre-bedtime hours. In this manner you manage your grief well, allow healing without the discomfort of believing your grief expression imposes upon others.
3. Let your friends give what they offer...to be with you, to share a meal, to run errands, to listen to your heartbreak. When you feel the times of being alone are unbearable call upon them. Friends extend "Let me know how I can help?" and most are sincere. By calling on friends when we need help we give them an opportunity to share our burden. On the other hand, if we don't accept help offerings, we may send the message that no help is needed and that future offers are an intrusion.
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4. We seldom feel like accepting invitations, often for a long time, but consider being with your closest friends/family at small dinner parties, movies, concerts, sports events etc. So what if you lose your composure. These social events provide the mind momentary respite from what has happened and are a useful focus when sleep is elusive or tormenting memories are overwhelming.
5. There is nothing funny about suicide or the death of someone we love but there is healing power in humor. It's O.K. to laugh. Laughter is healthy and healing. It releases chemicals that enhance ones sense of well-being. Laughter relaxes and rests us. Laughter reassures our wounded psyche. Provide an opportunity for laughter by being with fun-loving people, watch a good comedy show or rent a nonsensical movie. Don't expect films with a theme of violence, sex or societal issues to be relaxing.
6. Re-establish routine in your life as soon as possible. People thrive on orderliness in their lives and a loved one's death disturbs this orderliness in the most devastating manner possible. Re-establishing routine is a major, necessary step in reaffirming life's continuance and future well-being. For those who are confronted constantly by the absence of the family member re-establishing routine means redistribution of household chores and living arrangements. Adjusting to a loved one's death means many heartbreaking, but necessary changes from life as it once was.
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​7. Acute grieving depletes energy, leaving little concern for good grooming. It may take great effort and determination to shower, shave, arrange one's hair, makeup and dress each morning but caring for one's physical appearance is a critical step toward restoring well-being, balance and orderliness to one's life.
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​8. Provide the best opportunity for restful sleep by avoiding stimulants throughout the evening.  Exercise is natures anti-depressant and enhances sleep opportunity but should be done in the late afternoon. Caffeinated foods, including chocolate and most carbonated drinks, are sleep robbers. Alcohol is a depressant that magnifies an already depressed state of mind; it does not contribute to restful, uninterrupted sleep. It masks feelings, lowers inhibition and deprives one of control. Alcohol consumption should be avoided during acute grief.
​9. Take the best possible care of yourself...of your emotional being, your mental, spiritual and physical being. Eat properly..Don't allow yourself to get too hungry or to go without meals. Try not to overeat. Often we experience a gnawing, empty feeling that we mistake as hunger and seek to fill that void with food that may be hard to digest or upsetting. Become informed of both the dynamics of grief and of suicide so your grief is not unnecessarily complicated by myths, fears and biases. Pace yourself. This process is aptly called "grief work" and it is truly the most exhausting task your emotions, mind or your physical body will ever be called upon to do. You may experience some physical symptoms, for grief often manifests itself physically. Do not dismiss physical symptoms...see a doctor.
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​10. Grief and school.  Some choose to return to school as soon as possible because it keeps them mentally occupied. Some postpone returning to school, fearing the additional stress created by work. School can be helpful in restoring routine in one's life. Most teachers are compassionate and sympathetic. Some have firsthand knowledge of loss and grief and extend encouragement and understanding.  If you are worried about returning to school,  discuss your limits and concerns with your teachers and counselor.
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​11. Suicidal Thoughts Are Scary. When someone we love dies we are overwhelmed by the pain of loss and by fear of the future without them. We may believe we cannot endure the intensity of the pain. For a time, we may not wish to. After suicide the surviving family members have been shown the worst possible example of how one can end pain and problems and one may view ending their life as a way to stop hurting.
It is normal to want to escape the pain of loss and grief and not abnormal to think of ending one's life to escape it. But there is considerable difference between having suicidal thoughts and acting upon them. If you are obsessed with thoughts of killing yourself, begin to seriously consider means of ending your life or you believe you don't deserve to live due to some circumstance surrounding the loved one's death, see a mental health professional without delay. Don't compound the loss and magnify the grief of others by this manner of resolving your own.

​12. What's normal. What's not. Grief, as we are taught to understand it, is intensely distorted when suicide is the cause of death. You may question whether your feelings are normal. Most likely they are and you are experiencing normal emotional reactions to an abnormal occurrence...suicide. Grief after suicide is often very effectively addressed within the safe, understanding environment of a suicide survivor support group. Never hesitate to seek professional counseling.
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CONTACT US
  • OUR PROGRAM
    • MISSION
    • COMPONENTS
    • STANDARDS
    • MINDSETS & BEHAVIORS >
      • 1. Mindset Standards
      • 2. Behavior Standards
  • ACADEMIC
    • ASSESSMENT >
      • AZM2 >
        • CONTEXT TOOLS >
          • TOOLS: Special Symbols
          • TOOL: Text to Speech
        • GLOBAL >
          • TOOL: Calculator/Graphing & Regression
          • TOOL: Calculator/Scientific
          • TOOL: Equation Response Editor
        • TEI's >
          • TEI's: AzM2/READING >
            • Editing Task Items
            • Evidence Based Selected Response
            • Hot Text Items
            • Listening Task Item
            • Multiple Choice Items
            • Multi-Select
            • Open Response Items
          • TEI's: AzM2/WRITING >
            • Writing Prompt
            • SCORING
          • TEI's: AzMERIT/MATH >
            • Equation Response Item
            • Evidenced Based Selected Response
            • Grid Item
            • Hot Text Items
            • Matching Item
            • Multiple Choice Items
            • Multi-Select
            • Short Answer/Extended Response
            • Table Item
    • COURSE REGISTRATION >
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        • Academics 7
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      • High School
    • HONORS >
      • Honors Courses Offered
    • STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS >
      • LEARNING INVENTORIES >
        • Learning Style Inventories >
          • Barsch Inventory
          • Gardner Inventory of Multiple Intelligence
        • Study Skills Inventory >
          • Math (Inventory Tips)
          • Note Taking (Inventory Tips)
          • Organization (Inventory Tips)
          • Study Routine (Inventory Tips)
          • Test Taking (Inventory Tips)
      • Motivation & Goal Setting
      • Memory
      • Note Taking
      • Organization and Management
      • Test-Taking >
        • Taming Test Anxiety
      • [For Parents] >
        • Supporting Academic Success >
          • English/Language Arts
          • Math
          • Establishing a Structured Routine
          • Homework Habits for Parents
          • Mindsets
          • Motivating Your Teen
          • Procrastination
          • Support Tech
  • SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL
    • "THE TEEN BRAIN"
    • ANXIETY >
      • Anxiety Disorder >
        • Generalized Anxiety Disorder
        • OCD
        • Panic Disorder
        • PTSD
        • Separation Anxiety
        • Social Anxiety
        • Specific Phobias
      • Diagnosis & Treatment
      • Managing Anxiety >
        • Calm Breathing
        • Thinking, Feeling, Doing
      • [FOR PARENTS] >
        • Managing Anxiety >
          • Biology of Anxiety >
            • Autonomic Nervous System
            • Hormones
            • Neurotransmitters
            • Physiology of Fear
          • Co-Morbidity
          • Diagnosis and Treatment
          • Types of Anxiety Disorders
          • Shaping Thoughts
          • Tolerating Uncertainty
        • Managing Stress >
          • Shaping Thoughts
          • Tolerating Uncertainty
    • BODY IMAGE AND SELF ESTEEM >
      • Body Image and Self Esteem >
        • Anorexia
        • Binge Eating Disorder
        • Bulemia Nervosa
        • Pica
      • [For Parents] >
        • Encouraging Positive Body Image & Self-Esteem >
          • Eating Disorders
    • BULLY PREVENTION >
      • Bully Prevention >
        • Reporting
      • [For Parents] >
        • Bully Prevention
    • CHARACTER LAB >
      • CURIOSITY
      • GRATITUDE
      • GRIT
      • GROWTH MINDSET
      • MINDFULNESS
      • OPTIMISM
      • PURPOSE
      • RESILIENCE >
        • Rise to Resilience
        • [For Parents] >
          • 5 Ways to Empower
          • 7 Essential Skills
          • 10 Tips for Raising Resilient Kids
          • Building Resilience
      • SELF-CONTROL
      • WOOP!
      • ZEST
    • DEPRESSION >
      • Management & Treatment >
        • Brain Stimulation
        • Complementary, Alternative and Experimental >
          • Calm Breathing
          • Coping Statements
          • Stress Management Plan
        • Educational & Support Groups
        • Medication
        • Psychological
    • DIGITAL CITIZENSHIP >
      • Digital Citizenship >
        • Digital Safety & Cyber Security
        • Ethical Use of Technology
        • Privacy, Surveillance & Disclosure
        • Social Media
      • [For Parents] >
        • Digital Citizenship & Internet Safety >
          • Active Monitoring
          • Cyber Sexuality
          • Digital Boundaries
          • Digital Ownership
          • Guide to Digital Safety
          • Hidden Apps
          • Privacy, Surveillance & Disclosure
          • Social Media
    • DIVORCE >
      • Divorce & Changing Families
      • [For Parents] >
        • Navigating Divorce and Family Transition
    • GRIEF AND LOSS >
      • Grief & Loss >
        • Complicated Grief
        • How to Help
        • Healing
      • [For Parents] >
        • Navigating Grief & Loss
    • STRESS >
      • Causes of Stress >
        • Thinking Errors
      • Symptoms of Stress
      • Self-Managing Stress >
        • Calm Breathing
        • Developing a Stress Management Plan >
          • I. Stress Mgmt Plan
          • II. Stress Mgmt Plan
          • III. Stress Mgmt Plan
          • IV. Stress Mgmt Plan
          • V. Stress Mgmt Plan Template
      • Dimensions of Wellness
      • SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE >
        • [For Parents] >
          • Emotional Intelligence
          • Understanding Social Emotional Learning
    • SUICIDE AWARENESS & PREVENTION >
      • Awareness >
        • Risk Factors >
          • Depression
        • Warning Signs
      • Intervention >
        • Help for Self
        • Help for a Friend
      • Grief >
        • Newly Bereaved
        • Child Survivors
      • Healing >
        • Healing for Survivors
        • Toward Recovery
  • COLLEGE/CAREER
    • COLLEGE PLANNING >
      • In the News
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    • CAREER PLANNING >
      • [APTITUDES & INTERESTS] >
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        • Agriculture, Food and Natural Resources
        • Architecture & Construction
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        • Education and Training
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        • Health Science
        • Hospitality and Tourism
        • Human Services
        • Information and Technology
        • Law, Public Safety, Corrections and Security
        • Manufacturing
        • Marketing
        • Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics
        • Transportation, Distribution and Logistics
      • SALARY FINDER
  • Resources
    • COMMUNITY CONTACTS [STUDENTS] >
      • Crisis Line
      • Domestic Violence
      • Eating Disorders
      • Exploitation & Trafficking
      • Missing & Runaway
      • Peer to Peer
      • Self Injury / Cutting
      • Sexual Assault
      • Suicide
    • COMMUNITY CONTACTS [PARENTS] >
      • Community Info and Referral
      • Child Abuse
      • Crisis Counseling
      • Disability
      • Domestic
      • Drug & Alcohol
      • Food
      • Grief & Loss
      • Health & Dental
      • Housing & Shelter
      • Justice and Incarceration
      • Parenting
      • Suicide
    • CONTACT INFO
  • [STUDENT LESSONS]