HOW WOULD YOUR WRITING RATE?
Example of Student Writing Response that Scored a 4 / 4 / 2
This response is fully sustained and clearly focused within the purpose, audience, and task.
- The response begins with a satisfying introduction that establishes the tone for the targeted audience and provides an effective lead-in for the claim that there are negatives to video games, but many are due to over playing.
- Ideas progress logically within each assertion (Most of these pains are caused by sitting in position for multiple hours and by repeating the same movements (Source 2). Gamers who take long breaks and stretch are less likely to experience pain. Sometimes this pain doesn’t effect those gamers after they stop playing. Ways to prevent this from even happening),
- and the relationships between and among ideas are clarified with a variety of transitions (Well, Alas, Not to mention, Along with obesity, On the contrary, Finally, we come to the last major effect on our bodies).
- Opposing claims are embedded within the paragraphs (Of course obesity is not only caused by excessive gaming, but playing games is one factor) showing skillful organization and planning as well as an understanding of the argumentation task.
- A more extensive concession/rebuttal is included (On the contrary, video games can actually be good for you, by not only relaxing but for your eyes; Although, video games DO have a positive effect on us, it will not necessarily work for everyone) and
- leads to a concluding statement that reinforces the claim (So, to wrap it all up, limiting the time that you play video games will benefit your health in more ways than one).
4 - Evidence/Elaboration
- This response provides thorough and convincing support for the claim using consistently cited evidence. Details from source material (Carpal tunnel . . . and tennis elbow; Exhaustion, depression, obesity, and poor school performance are risks from inefficient sleep (source 3)) are used to consistently establish and develop assertions.
- The evidence supports the ideas and is integrated with purposeful elaboration that expands upon the evidence (Ways to prevent this from even happening to portion size the amount of time that you play your video games. Not enough players’ actually get any physical exercise besides tapping a screen or clicking a mouse).
- Evidence from multiple sources is effectively synthesized (Carpal tunnel (an injury to a nerve in the wrist) and tennis elbow, has also been linked to excessive gaming (Source 1). Most of these pains are caused by sitting in one position for multiple hours and by repeating the same movements (Source 2)). Ideas are expressed clearly using domain specific vocabulary (self-esteem, in correlation).
- A variety of sentence structures demonstrates language facility and clearly communicates complex ideas (obesity is not only caused by excessive gaming, but playing games is one factor. For those of you reading this that are obese, I suggest eating a balanced diet with less processed foods and adding exercising into your daily routine (and less gaming)).
2 - Conventions
An adequate command of basic conventions is demonstrated in this draft response.