BULLYING ~ WHAT IS IT?

Definition: Repeated physical, verbal sexual, or psychological attacks or intimidation by an individual who is perceived as being physically or psychologically stronger than another.

TYPES OF BULLYING

Physical

Physical bullying occurs when one person or a group of people picks on or harasses another person in a face to face confrontational manner.
It can take the form of:
subtle actions to casually degrade the person over time, or
a series of more aggressive and direct acts to purposefully hurt the person in a more immediate fashion.
It may include:
slapping, hitting, choking, poking, punching, kicking, pinching, scratching, spitting, twisting limbs into painful positions, damaging or destroying clothes and property belonging to another person. ​

Verbal

T​he most common form of bullying used by both boys and girls.  It accounts for 70% of reported bully incidents.
It can take the form of: 
name-calling, taunting, belittling, cruel criticism, racial slurs,
inappropriate & suggestive or abusive remarks.

It can involve:
abusive phone calls, intimidating emails, anonymous notes, 
false accusations and rumors or gossip.

Relational

Relational Aggressors try to gain power by purposely bringing down another 
person’s sense of self. 

It can take the form of:
ignoring, isolating, 
excluding and/or shunning.

The Drama Triangle


The Victim: Someone who plays the victim. They often complain that the situation is beyond their control and will blame others.

The Persecutor: Present themselves as the “experts” on situations. They will decide who is “wrong” and who is “right” in a situation. They are often judgmental and punishing.

The Firestarter: Gets things stirred up by starting (or spreading) gossip; then stands back and watches the situation blow-up.

Who is MOST responsible for creating and sustaining the drama?

The Firestarter --- if you take away this person’s power, the triangle collapses.

Consequences of being a Firestarter:


  • You may lose the trust and respect of friends you gossiped about
  • You may get a reputation of being a gossip and people won’t trust you with information anymore
  • People will gossip about YOU the way you gossiped about THEM!​

Can boys be players in the Drama Triangle?

Yes! Firestarters can be either male or female. Their goal is to feel important, powerful, in control and a “part” of things.

How to Avoid the Drama Triangle

  • Stay out of conflicts that do not directly involve you.
  • Give your friends credit for being able to resolve their own problems.
  • Stay out of the middle.

BE MORE THAN A BYSTANDER

​STAND up for what is right.  If someone is harassing or bullying another person on campus do not encourage the bully by laughing or joining in, even if you don’t particularly like the victim.
​RESCUE a victim.  If you observe a situation where someone is being continually bullied, tell an adult.  It takes courage to come forward and help someone else.  The true cowards are those who pick on people who are weaker, smaller or alone.
​SHOW your courage.  If you are in a situation where you are afraid the bully will turn on you or dislike you if you don’t join in, then walk away from the situation.  Later on you may want to take some time to think about why you are hanging out with someone you are afraid of and who hurts others for fun.
​BE a real friend.  If you have a friend who is a bully, you may want to tell him or her how wrong you feel his or her actions are.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullies use the Internet or cell phones to send hurtful messages or post information to damage people’s reputation and friendships. Here are some examples:
​
Flaming. Online fights using electronic messages with angry and vulgar language.

Harassment. Repeatedly sending nasty, mean, and insulting messages.

Denigration. “Dissing” someone online. Sending or posting gossip or rumors about a person to damage his or her reputation or friendships.
Impersonation. Pretending to be someone else and sending or posting material to get that person in trouble or danger or to damage that person’s reputation or friendships.

Outing. Sharing someone’s secrets or embarrassing information or images online.
Trickery. Tricking someone into revealing secrets or embarrassing information, then

Exclusion. Intentionally and cruelly excluding someone from an online group.

Cyberstalking. Repeated, intense harassment and denigration that includes threats or intimidation.

Preventing Cyberbullying

• Protect yourself. Never provide any information or images in electronic form that could be used against you.
​• Find some new friends. If you are trying to fit into a group of people who are treating you badly, it might be easier to simply find some nicer friends. Life’s too short to waste time trying to be friends with mean people.
​• Examine how you are communicating. If you find that people are frequently attacking you, look closely at how you are communicating with them. You might be communicating in a way that is irritating others or hurting their feelings.

What To Do If You are the Target of a Cyberbully

Being the target of a cyberbully can be frustrating, hurtful and humiliating.  But there are steps you can take to end the cycle. The most important thing to do is to talk to an adult you trust as soon as you realize there is a problem.  Options on how to respond to a harassing text or threatening post may include:
  • Ignore—Do not to respond to instances of teasing or name calling if you can avoid it. Sometimes bullies are encouraged by seeing a reaction. Don't give it to them.
  • Record—Keep a record of bullying messages you receive—in hard copy. What separates cyberbullying from normal peer conflict is that a.) it is unprovoked and b.) its intent is to harm and c.) it worsens (is repeated) over time.  If you can show an adult either the messages themselves or a diary of when you received them, it may be easier to verify what went on and who the bully was.
  • Go high-tech—If you’re being bullied via a website, chances are that the bully is going against the website’s terms of use. Reporting bullies to the website administrator may get them removed from the site. The National Crime Prevention Council highlights that on Facebook and Youtube, some of the most popular sites for cyberbullying activity, you can report cyberbullying incidents to the sites’ “safety centers.”
  • The Cyberbullying Research Center also notes that your parents can help by getting in touch with your internet service provider, cell phone service provider, or content provider. In some cases, the providers can look into the bullying incident to uncover an anonymous bully and may also be able to take down offensive posts.
  • Reach out—Your parents, a favorite teacher, school administrators, counselors, and even police officers can help you deal with cyberbullying. Your state laws and your school’s policies have rules against cyberbullying.  There is no reason to suffer alone when you are the target of bullying.
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  • Cut off the bully—The National Crime Prevention Council advises victims to stop all communication with the bully when possible. Block your phone number so you no longer receive their calls or texts.  "Unfriend" offenders from your Facebook and Instagram accounts.
Remember the most important rule: Never retaliate! Keep your hands off the keyboard until you have calmed down enough to figure out what to do.
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